Your Spouse's Advisers Are Not Automatically Yours: A 90-Day Review

Your spouse’s lawyer may represent the estate. The accountant may be preparing the deceased person’s final return. The investment professional may serve an inherited account, the estate, a trust, or a firm relationship that predates you. None of those facts automatically makes the professional your personal adviser.

Continuity can be useful during the first weeks after a death, but momentum should not decide a long-term engagement. First identify each professional’s client, authority, scope, compensation, conflicts, records, and immediate deadlines. Then decide whom to retain.

Familiarity with your spouse’s affairs is evidence of history, not proof of fit, loyalty, or duty to you.

This is a U.S. general guide. Attorney ethics, privilege, fiduciary roles, securities regulation, account authority, and tax-practice rules vary by facts and jurisdiction. Obtain independent advice where interests may diverge.

Freeze the relationship map before making changes

List every professional and organization involved:

• estate or probate lawyer;
• personal estate-planning lawyer;
• trustee’s counsel;
• certified public accountant or enrolled agent;
• investment adviser representative or broker;
• insurance producer;
• banker, trust officer, or custodian;
• business lawyer, bookkeeper, or valuation specialist;
• realtor or property manager; and
• benefits, pension, or human-resources contact.

For each, record the firm, individual, contact details, role before death, claimed role now, client, person authorized to instruct them, files held, fees, and next deadline. Do not use “family adviser” as a client description.

Ask “Who is your client?” in writing

A lawyer who represents the estate may take direction from the court-appointed personal representative for estate matters. That does not necessarily make the lawyer counsel to each beneficiary or to the representative personally. A lawyer who drafted your spouse’s plan may face confidentiality or conflict limits.

An accountant may be engaged by the executor for estate returns while separately preparing your individual return. An investment professional may service an account but have no authority to advise the estate until documents are approved.

Ask each professional to state:

• the legal name of the client;
• the matter or account covered;
• who may give instructions;
• who receives confidential information;
• whether they also represent another interested person; and
• how a conflict would be identified and handled.

Do not share sensitive personal strategy until the answer is clear.

Separate estate work from your personal work

You may be both personal representative and beneficiary, but those roles are not interchangeable. Estate funds should pay authorized estate expenses; your personal planning and disputes may require a separate engagement and separate payment.

Open distinct files, email subjects, invoices, and decision logs. Ask the professional to allocate mixed meetings and work. If the estate and your personal interests diverge (over distributions, fees, elections, property, or a claim)obtain independent advice before consenting or signing.

This boundary protects privilege, accounting, tax deductions, beneficiary communication, and your ability to understand whose interests shaped a recommendation.

Preserve access without approving new transactions

In the first meeting, focus on continuity:

• real filing and court deadlines;
• insurance, payroll, tax, and property risks;
• account restrictions after notice of death;
• documents or data at risk of loss;
• scheduled trades, distributions, renewals, or automatic payments; and
• pending engagements or invoices.

You can authorize collection of facts without approving a portfolio overhaul, annuity surrender, property sale, entity restructuring, beneficiary settlement, or new long-term contract. Ask the professional to distinguish urgent preservation from elective planning.

Use choosing which professional to call first to sequence deadlines instead of responding to whoever calls most often.

Require a fresh engagement letter

Do not rely on your spouse’s engagement. A new or confirmed engagement should identify:

• client and responsible professional;
• scope and excluded work;
• authority to act and communicate;
• fee method, retainers, minimums, and billing frequency;
• product or third-party compensation;
• file ownership, custody, and return;
• conflicts and consent process;
• termination and transition terms; and
• complaint or escalation contact.

Read what is excluded. “Estate administration” may not include tax returns, litigation, property work, ancillary probate, business succession, or your personal estate plan. “Wealth management” may exclude tax preparation and legal advice.

Verify registration and disciplinary history yourself

Use regulator-controlled sources, not a biography or credential logo. FINRA’s BrokerCheck provides registration, employment, qualification, and disclosure information for brokerage professionals and firms. Investor.gov links to investment-adviser registration information and Form ADV materials.

Search both the individual and firm. Match spelling, location, employer, registration status, and history. A disclosure may be pending or disputed, so read the details and response rather than treating any entry as automatic proof of wrongdoing.

For lawyers, use the licensing authority in the relevant state. For accountants, verify the state board or other applicable credential. For tax return preparers, review IRS guidance, preparer tax identification requirements, representation rights, and the IRS directory where applicable.

Save dated copies of the results in the review file.

Read Form CRS and Form ADV before the meeting

SEC rules require registered broker-dealers and investment advisers serving retail investors to provide a relationship summary, commonly Form CRS or Form ADV Part 3. It describes services, fees, conflicts, standards of conduct, disciplinary history, and conversation starters.

Use it to compare the service you think you receive with the service actually offered. Then review the firm’s fuller Form ADV disclosure brochure if investment-advisory services are proposed.

Ask whether the person acts as a broker, investment adviser, or both for each recommendation. Titles such as “wealth manager,” “financial consultant,” or “retirement specialist” do not answer that question.

Convert every fee into dollars

Request a written annual estimate based on your current assets and expected work. Include:

• asset-based advisory fees;
• planning or retainer fees;
• hourly and project fees;
• trading markups or commissions;
• fund and product expenses;
• insurance compensation;
• custody, platform, account, and wire fees;
• surrender charges or exit costs; and
• payments to affiliates or referral partners.

Ask what the professional and firm would receive if you keep everything unchanged, follow the recommendation, or transfer away. A percentage that sounds small can be substantial on a large portfolio.

The companion guide how your adviser is actually paid provides a reusable fee map.

Identify conflicts created by the death

The professional may advise multiple family members, co-fiduciaries, a family business, a trust, or beneficiaries with competing interests. The firm may hold proprietary products, receive revenue sharing, recommend a rollover, or benefit from keeping assets under management.

Ask for each conflict and mitigation in writing. Questions include:

• Do you represent or advise any beneficiary, trustee, executor, or business partner?
• Would this recommendation increase your compensation?
• Are lower-cost or unaffiliated alternatives available?
• Will you receive a referral fee from another professional?
• What information can you share among clients?
• When would you withdraw or recommend separate counsel?

Do not sign a conflict waiver you do not understand merely to preserve convenience.

Test whether the expertise matches the actual work

Experience managing a couple’s investments does not prove experience with probate liquidity, fiduciary accounting, inherited retirement accounts, estate income tax, concentrated stock, private businesses, cross-border assets, or surviving-spouse elections.

Ask for relevant experience without requesting another client’s confidential details. Who performs the work? What is reviewed by a partner? Which tasks are referred out? How are legal, tax, investment, insurance, and valuation conclusions kept within professional boundaries?

Check whether the team can explain a recommendation in plain language and provide assumptions, alternatives, costs, and implementation steps. Expertise should reduce ambiguity, not demand trust without records.

Control information sharing and meeting attendance

Give written instructions about who may attend, receive copies, schedule meetings, provide facts, or issue directions. A child, beneficiary, or family assistant can help without becoming the client or decision-maker.

Meet alone with each prospective personal adviser at least once. Ask how the firm responds when a relative calls, when it suspects exploitation, or when an agent presents a power of attorney.

Use secure portals for sensitive documents. Do not email unencrypted tax returns, identity documents, full account statements, or death certificates to an address copied from an old contact list without independently verifying the recipient.

Secure the complete client and estate file

Request a written inventory of records held, retention periods, and delivery format. Depending on role, seek:

• governing documents and executed amendments;
• engagement letters and conflict consents;
• filed returns, workpapers available to the client, elections, and notices;
• account statements, cost-basis records, performance reports, and trade confirms;
• insurance contracts and illustrations;
• deeds, entity records, valuations, and beneficiary forms;
• correspondence documenting material advice; and
• billing and payment history.

Ask what the professional considers firm work product or otherwise unavailable and why. Preserve files before terminating access. Never let a transition depend on the deceased person’s login.

Interview alternatives using the same scorecard

Compare at least two qualified options when time permits. Give each the same factual summary and ask the same questions drawn from Investor.gov:

1. What experience do you have with clients in this situation?
2. What registrations, licenses, and relevant qualifications do you hold?
3. What services will you provide, and what will you not provide?
4. How will you and your firm be paid in dollars?
5. How do you choose investments or recommendations?
6. What conflicts and disciplinary history should I understand?
7. Who is my primary contact, and who supervises the work?
8. How often will you report, review, and communicate?

Score clarity, evidence, fit, responsiveness, cost, security, conflicts, and transition plan. Charisma is not a control.

Know the red flags

Pause when a professional:

• will not identify the client or provide an engagement letter;
• pressures you to act before authority or ownership is established;
• discourages independent review or private meetings;
• dismisses questions about fees, conflicts, or registration;
• recommends moving every asset immediately;
• asks you to sign blank, backdated, or incomplete forms;
• uses the deceased person’s credentials;
• sends funds to personal or unverified accounts;
• claims credentials that do not appear in official records; or
• withholds files to force continued engagement.

Preserve evidence and contact the firm’s compliance office, relevant licensing authority, custodian, insurer, FINRA, SEC, state securities regulator, or law enforcement as the facts warrant.

Transition without losing deadlines or records

If you change professionals, send a written termination or scope change. State the effective date, work that must stop, deadlines and pending matters, file-delivery instructions, account authority, final billing, and new contact information.

Have the incoming professional confirm receipt and identify gaps. Revoke portal users, trading authorizations, limited powers, data feeds, standing letters, and information-sharing permissions that are no longer appropriate.

Do not transfer investments solely to make administration look tidy. Review taxes, surrender charges, embedded gains, market exposure, creditor protection, and service continuity before moving assets.

Make the retention decision explicit

For each professional, choose one status:

• retain for a defined current matter;
• retain temporarily through a named deadline;
• engage separately for your personal work;
• narrow the scope;
• obtain a second opinion;
• transition to another professional; or
• terminate after files and open items are secured.

Record the reason, fee, conflict analysis, next review date, and person authorized to instruct. Familiarity can be a legitimate benefit, but it should appear as one factor, not the decision itself.

If the fit later changes, when an adviser should be replaced provides a controlled exit process.

Primary sources

• Investor.gov: Relationship summaries: Form CRS or Form ADV Part 3
• FINRA: About BrokerCheck
• Investor.gov: Questions to ask when hiring an investment professional
• IRS: Choosing a tax professional
• American Bar Association: Find legal help

This article is general education, not individualized legal, tax, investment, insurance, fiduciary, or cybersecurity advice. Confirm each professional’s duties, authority, and regulation for the specific matter.